Artwork by Shane P. Smith; available on Instagram

Welcome, All, to the official launch of the Bears in Space Program!

I want to first thank our esteemed Board of Directors for joining us tonight. We could not have done this without your support. We also have several shareholders in the audience today. Given the recent rise in our stock price, I’m sure they’d like to give each of you a “bear hug” tonight!

But jokes aside, I remember standing on this stage 15 years ago, presenting our development plans. Since then, we have been through a lot; but thanks to the perseverance and dedication of all of you, we made it. We made it.

We are living in remarkable times. A time of rebirth and rebuilding. Not to date myself, but as a child in the 20s, I still recall, although vaguely, what it was like before the coup. When many still believed in Old Science. When we were a divided world, a divided country…hanging on to the ideals and belief systems of the past. So focused on fact versus fiction, science versus religion, real versus fake.

Now, we are connected. The Technicolor movement brought us beauty again where there were once cold, gray cityscapes. The rediscovery of the orchestra pit brought us laughter again where there were once empty, electronic soundtracks. And the rise of Toonology led us to this very moment in history. This very moment where history will, in fact, be made.

We had our share of challenges and failures on the path to success. James, where are you? James can tell you all about the Bearpoline 287s. Almost a curse word around here, so I apologize! We really believed in the Bearpoline. The prototype was a massive success in testing. But you know what? Without the Bearpoline we never would have found our way to the Cub-apult EX. And that was truly a breakthrough moment for us. We determined that we could not send a bear into space using force or any of the Wile.E methods. In fact, it was the failure of the Cub-apult in 2077 that led us to shift our entire strategy and thought process.

Over the last few years, we have truly mastered the art and science of Poohism. It wasn’t an easy transition. This is a much softer, gentler form of scientific discovery. And though it may seem an obvious pathway now, we had to rethink our workforce, our investment strategy, and our partnerships. We acquired Christopher Robin Laboratories and onboarded several new employees who had earned advanced degrees at Disney University and other prestigious institutions.

Change is never easy. But just as a Charimander evolves into a Charizard, we emerged from this period stronger, more focused, and ready to win the battle. We were ready to get those bears into space.

The Cloud Floater ELC is the culmination of decades of toon-based research and development, a true pinnacle of Toonology and bear-based scientific thought. Sure, our competitors have beaten us to the punch a few times. We still watch with envy as Splat Kazaam Industries expands its line of TNT-powered automobiles, and Bullseye Scientific perfects their Paint-a-Tunnel-Anywhere technology. But we have bears in space. We put a bear in space, and no one can take that away from us!

Tonight, we will focus on celebrating this incredible accomplishment. But it’s also my job as CEO of this great company to remind you that we will not have time to rest after tonight. The next great frontier looms heavily in front of us. And so I will leave you with this message: Once you’ve put a bear into space, you can do anything. We WILL tunnel from one side of the earth to the other in less than 30 seconds by 2082.

Enjoy your evening, team. And as always, tonight’s celebration is dedicated to Mr. Muffins, up there on his journey through the ether. Salute, Mr. Muffins. Salute.